lady_yashka (lady_yashka) wrote,

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Save Your Goodbye Kiss

He had already lain himself prone at her feet too many times to count, and it was way past time he stopped.

An AU rewrite of the break up scene in As You Were. Some dialogue from the episode is used.

(This would be the fic I mentioned in the post below.)

“Tell me you love me.”

Her words echoed around Spike’s head as he sorted through the rubble that was left of his home, garbage bag held in one hand. He imagined each piece of burnt trash as a bit of his heart, the clatter of those pieces hitting the stone floor the sound of it breaking.

Spike had thought last night was different. Buffy had been different. They had been tender, no harsh words telling him to hurry up, no impatient hands pulling at clothing not meant to stand against superhuman strength. She had let him whisper his love to her, had let him hold her. Buffy had fallen asleep in his arms and Spike thought he’d touched heaven. Then his crypt door had been forced open and his heaven had been ripped from his hands.

There had been no time for explanations, not that anywhere wanted. Riley Finn had claimed him guilty, and so Spike was. It didn’t matter if he wasn’t the real Doctor. It didn’t matter that the money had been for Buffy. He’d had the eggs and that was enough. Now all he was left with was the clean up.

A section of burnt linen went into the bag, a melted lump of what Spike suspected to be his CD collection followed. Luckily, his vinyl records were stored somewhere safe, or they would have been ruined to. Pieces of clothing, a blackened stuffed animal Dawn had given him, all went into the bag. He’d clear out the furniture later, once the smaller debris was gone.

Hearing the crypt door creak open, Spike let out a resigned sigh. Buffy had arrived, as he knew she would. There was no way she could let such a fiasco pass without telling him, in detail, exactly how badly he had messed up.

Tying the bag closed, Spike hauled it up the ladder with him.

“Where’s soldier boy, huh?” Spike asked when he saw Buffy standing alone in the doorway of his crypt. “Gone off to save the world? Bet he left all heroic like. Stupid sod.”


“If you’ve come for a bit of cold comfort, the bed's a bit blown up,” Spike said as he gestured towards the opening in the floor. “But then, that was never our…”

“I’m not here to,” Buffy started, and then stopped. Shaking her head she brought her gaze up to meet Spike’s. “It’s over.”

Nodding, Spike dropped the garbage bag he was holding to the floor. Carefully he pulled out a cigarette and lit up. It took a few minutes for him to complete his task. He hadn’t realized his hands were shaking.

“Figured you’d say that,” Spike said softly, eyes downcast. He couldn’t look at her, not without wanting to beg her to change her mind. He had already lain himself prone at her feet too many times to count, and it was way past time he stopped.

“I mean it…”

“I know you do, luv,” Spike interrupted. “This just makes things easier.”

“Wait, easier?” Buffy asked, confused.

“Yeah,” Spike said with a nod. Seeming to gather his courage, Spike lifted his eyes. “This way you won’t be shocked when I tell you I’m leaving.”

“You’re leaving,” Buffy said, her arms going around her middle. “Why?”

“Why?” Spike asked with a bitter chuckle. “Why the bloody hell not?”

“But…” Buffy said, her voice trailing off. Even she didn’t know what she was objecting too.

“Look around you, Slayer,” Spike yelled. “What do I have to stay for? Our relationship? It was a bloody joke. Face it Buffy, we’ll both be happier if we’re out of each other’s lives.”

“You’re serious.” Buffy was stunned. She hadn’t expected this. She had expected Spike to beg and plead for her to change her mind. This ready acceptance threw her a bit. It made her stop and really see Spike for the first time in a lone time. Buffy didn’t like what she saw.

“Yeah, I am,” Spike said. His voice was tired, his posture defeated. “I can’t keep doing this anymore. Hell, neither can you.”

“I’m sorry, William,” Buffy said softly as she turned to go. She would give him this. She owed him this. Buffy had come here thinking only of her pain. Now she knew she wasn’t the only one drowning.

“Buffy,” Spike said, stopping her before she could walk out the door. “I‘m sorry too.”

“Yeah, I know.” Then she opened the door, careful not let any light in, and walked out into the sunlight. Spike gently closed the door behind her.
Tags: spuffy fic
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